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Healing

The process for this painting began when I came back from a visit to the hospital with the second set of

x-rays of my hand. Months prior I had gotten what I thought was the worst jammed finger of all time off a tipped rebound while playing pickup. It wasn't until after 6 weeks and dozens more pickup games that I began to question my original diagnosis. After having x-rays done the doctors told me that I had a minor break in the lower joint of my pinky finger and that the swelling and function would return to normal in a matter of weeks. 6 months after that I went back in complaining about how I was still experiencing pain, stiffness, swelling, and limited range of motion. They retook x-rays, explained to me that the bone was completely healed, and sent me on my way, but not before I convinced the nurse to let me take the images home. After taping them up on my wall with the hundreds of other scraps of paper I sat and thought about the whole experience.

I thought about how symbolic this saga was and how many different lessons I could take away in regard to the process of healing. Firstly I thought about how I neglected the signals my body sent me to stop playing not just in the moment, but later that afternoon, and in the weeks and months that followed the initial break. I simply didn't take the time and effort to deal with the problem of having a broken finger right at the start of summer. Mainly I just didn't show restraint when the hoop chat kept blowing up, I didn't give myself the space to heal.

I could sit there all day and kick myself for not being more forward thinking but at this point, the bone was "healed" and I had 90% range of motion without much pain. I decided it was best to try to accept the situation for what it was and learn from it as best I could. My main takeaway was that healing, like most things in life, just doesn't go how we expect it to. When it first happened I thought it would go away in a few minutes like the many previous times I jammed my finger but it turned out to take months to heal and even now I still feel pain and can't stretch it out all the way. I have learned to be grateful just for the fact that my finger still works and for the experience as a learning opportunity. Though it was a minor injury it still taught me a lot about the process of healing.

I made this painting inspired by this experience and with the desire to make notes to help remind myself of the tools I've found for healing. Some of these notes include: the importance of seeing things from different perspectives, compassion for yourself is integral, other needs include intention, naps, movement/action, expression and acknowledgment of thoughts and feelings, community, and other ways to feel like you aren't alone, presence, crying, time, and most importantly hope.